Back In Business.

It’s been almost one year since I have posted on this blog. I have had a lot of UPS and DOWNS in the last year. Probably a lot of things happened that deserved to be blogged about, but alas, they were not. Well, I’m back now so let’s see what happens. 

Wish me luck.

Restaurant Rant no. 1

Hi, I’m your server. I make $4.50 an hour. After you have completed your dining experience and tipped me an outdated percentage of 15%, please gather your children, belongings, senior citizens and go about your day. My table is not your home base for you to feed your baby and change your kids. The longer you stay, the more money you cost me. 

Please, be considerate to your server.

What bothers you about your fellow man?

In an attempt to gather more information for my Common F’n Courtesy book, I am coming here to ask you good (and obviously intelligent folk) for some insight to your pet peeves. What do other people do to show an obvious lack of common courtesy to you?

Thanks.

Haiku Fo-Yu! Vol 18

BIRTHDAY:

Today is July
Thirteen days till my birthday
I’ll be 31.

Questioning Cats’ Integrity

My cat often kills things; lizards, small mammals, snakes, the occasional bird.

He leaves them as gifts on my front doorstep.

I was just wondering, if he came across an animal that was already dead, would he pass it off as his own kill?

I guess, ultimately the question is:

Are cats regifters?

I’m most lonely when I’m with you…

I can only blame myself,
you can’t change a rats tail.
I tried to make it work,
you were determined to make it fail.
I try to stay strong for the sake of the kids,
but I don’t want them growing up,
thinking that this is what love is.
We used to be friends,
and then we were more.
And it still hurts very much when you walk out the door.
But what other choices do we have?
We aren’t destined to be.
So keep doing you,
Cause I’ma do me.

Haiku Fo-Yu! Vol 17

Writing hiatus
Give the people what they want
Time to tighten up

Homage to The Mystery Fun House

Mystery Fun House, why did they take you away? You had mystery, and fun!

Growing up in Orlando was good and bad. The bad part was, if you wanted to do something fun on the weekends, you had to pay tourist prices for attractions. But there were a few places that you could take the family and have a day of fun for less money. One of those being the infamous Mystery Fun House. Located across the street from Universal Studios, the building donned a giant blue wizard on the front. Here is my recollection of the amazement that was MFH:

You walk into the front door; spooky music plays. You pay your admission and head into the first room, a glass and mirrors maze. After you found your way to the other side, you head into the crooked room where everything was tilted, and you had to lean to stand up straight. The walls are out of perspective and a ramp that appears to be going down, actually goes up! So mysterious…so fun. Next came a room called “forbidden temple” where there was a long rickety bridge. When you crossed it, you could look down and see a volcanic pit. There was a small pitch-black cave you had to crawl through. Then there was a room that appeared to be in the midst of an earthquake. Then you went through a cage maze where you had to find the rubber bars that would allow you to pass through. I remember one part where you crawled out of a dog house. Finally, there was a rotating tunnel. If you were strong enough (or tall enough) you could hold on and go all the way upside down and around.

At the end of the funhouse they had laser tag called Starbase Omega, and a haunted house kinda deal, I think. I remember being too young to do the scary part. After you came out of the funhouse, there was an arcade where they served pizza and sodas. There was cotton candy and prizes! If you were really good, you could sometimes talk your parents into a round of Jurassic Golf or maybe getting an Old-Timey picture taken of the family. Did I mention the animatronic singing Elvis lion? There were many other mysterious and fun things that happened at the Mystery Fun House, but that was a long time ago, and I don’t remember it all. If anyone refund this remembers any other details, or has any memories from this enchanting little “second tier” tourist attraction please share!

Mystery Funhouse, you encapsulate so many of my fondest childhood memories. Thank you for 25 amazing years of service. You will not be forgotten.

Valentines Day in Capitalist America

Today is Valentines Day. My son is 7. He is in the first grade. Today they exchanged ‘Valentines.’ The sad thing is, not one of them was an actual Valentine. They were all candy; not even a card with candy stuck in it. Just candy with a ‘To:’ and ‘From:’ spot on it for the kids to write their names. I remember when the only candy Valentines were the ones with the red heart lollipops in them. But even then they were attached to a card.

I remember when Valentines cards were actual cards that you had to read and decide which ones were just right for each of your classmates. Or even better, when you would actually make your own card out of red construction paper, doilies, pink tissue paper, crayons, elmers glue, markers and glitter.

There is no thought put into the act of giving a friend a card with a special message in it anymore. Instead, my son got lollipops, sweet tarts packets, gummies, fun dip, starburst and other various candies.

Also I noticed that most of the kids parents filled in the names for their child. My son wanted to write the names himself and I figured this was a great writing exercise for him. So, what part of all this is supposed to be special for them?

While we did buy the candy packages, I also made sure we got regular cards and stapled them to the candy.

It just makes me sad for the little ones that they are not getting to experience the holiday for what it is. Yes, it’s a day to have fun, act crazy and get sweet treats but where is the personality? Where is the LOVE?

I feel that our kids are just another demographic for marketers to target. It makes me
sad.
God bless the almighty dollar.

~Disheartened by Capitalist America.

Chicken Wings in a Changing World.

I recently attended a trivia night at a local wing joint this last Tuesday evening, to meet up with a friend of mine that I had not seen in a long time. I did pretty well, I think. I know my fair share of useless, random trivia.

The first round included your basic run-of-the-mill general knowledge questions, such as:

“What kind of tool does Smokey the Bear carry with him?” (I was 100% sure I knew the answer to this. It is not an axe, I know that now.)

and,

“What kind of animal has both African and Asian varieties?” (Elephants. I knew that one.)

But then, on the second round, the quite boisterous ‘one-man-show’ of a DJ tells us that there is a bonus question worth no points that is just for fun.

“What character trait do you work on the most?”

Quite the deep question for a wing-joint trivia night, I thought.

I looked at my teammates while we all thought about it. “Um…to not be a Dick?,” I say. He thinks about this quietly for a moment. “Soo…Humility?” he says as he writes our answer down. “Yes, that sounds better,” I said.

After the DJ gathered all of the answer sheets, it was time to read the answers.

“One team answered, ‘their smiles’” (which is not at all a character trait. I am not too concerned with losing to this group of bright individuals. Although in hindsight, maybe they meant to smile more, which could kind of count.)

“Another answer was, ‘social skills’” continued the DJ.

“And the most popular answer of the night,” he says, “is Humility.”

Wow, really? I was definitely surprised; pleasantly surprised that this was the most popular answer. It made me think. If this small group of chicken-wing-eating, general-knowledge-question-answering group of individuals are trying their hardest to work on their Not-being-a-Dick-edness,(aka Humility) then maybe there is hope for us as a species after all.

You could feel the spirits lighten amongst the other teams who had answered this question in the same way. You could almost feel an energy shift.

This little random event gives me hope that we, as a species, are tapping into our collective unconsciousness, and it’s telling us that it’s time for change.

Please, do yourself and the rest of mankind a favor, and work on your Humility, today.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” -Gandhi

One Love.

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